I want to take you back to the years 1977-1978. I am number 8 of 9 kids. My parents were a little older when they had me. My mom was actually 36 years old and my dad was 39. By the time 1977 rolled around they were around 47 and 50. After many struggles between my dad and mom, my dad lost all of his businesses. He had to file for bankruptcy. He was very depressed and suicidal. I remember going for many walks with my Dad. I would let him talk to let go of negative emotions. As I walked arm in arm with him, he would release many emotions; My mom told me later on, that it helped prevent him from committing suicide. I even did my research paper in Jr. High on suicide because of my dad. He felt, with everything going on, his life circumstances were too much to bear. I was caught in the triangulation of their struggles, and at the same time was a lifeline for my dad. Sometime before we lost our home, I asked my dad, "Why do you stay with mom with everything she has done? You obviously are unhappy!"
He looked at me so solemnly and said, "Because divorce is NOT a part of my vocabulary and never will be!" This quote from my father became a strength to me when the time came to fight for my marriage and family. I don’t remember exactly when I recalled what he had said to me, but I do know it was firmly planted in my mind at a very young age.
I watched them continue to struggle. I saw and heard their fights. I saw them lose their businesses and our home. I saw the heartbreak between them. I saw and felt the bitterness and the anger. I saw them continue with separate, but "together" lives. They did not divorce, which was always a question on my mind as to why. I did not know what kept them together. I did not know nor understand why they even tried to stay together. However, there was a commitment to stick it out and make it work. They did come back together emotionally after some hard struggles and several years. They learned to love and to serve each other again after all the heartache, and their family was still intact.
Both the road of staying married and the road of divorcing are hard. In my article Either Way, it’s Hard, I talk about the difficult path of both. As a Domestic Mediator, I know there are definitely some marriages that need to be dissolved, but there are many marriages and families that could be saved if we were more willing to remove the word “Divorce" from our vocabulary and focus on ways to come up with workable and manageable solutions to the problems that show up. I see many cases which causes me to wonder, “Had they had the right tools, could they have made their marriage work?”
I believe with all my heart there are many marriages that are breaking up that could have made it and can make it if they had/have the commitment that my Father had. Commitment is a foundational pillar to help build a marriage on.
Through the years, from my own experiences, I have come to realize what kept them in their marriage. It is our marriage and our family are worth fighting for! If you are someone that wants to fight for your marriage and family then #MarriageNfamilyareworthfightingfor #Empowernow #Beginnow #Utilizewhatyouhavenow #Determinetosucceednow #Strengthencontinuallynow #DivorceisNOTapartofmyvocabulary