What does emotional flooding look like when arguing with someone? Emotional flooding happens when we hit a fight or flight response. If you ever have experienced a pretty good size wave crashing down on you then that is what emotional flooding feels like. The wave of emotions such as: anger, hurt, fear, panic, defensiveness, and fleeing. I have experienced being in an ocean with an unexpected wave coming down on me. I felt confused, scared, tossed around, injured, and searching for a way out of the wave so I can breathe. Through education and practicing mindfulness, I have come to recognize emotional flooding in myself. I become deaf to what the other person is saying, what I call a shutdown. I only hear the negative about myself as this negative self-talk escalates and swirls in my own mind. I feel anger, blame, resentment, and hurt. I start saying things that show the escalation going on in my own mind. I can't think logically. I eventually just turn inward and quit responding. If the conversation keeps going beyond this, I become so overwhelmed and have actually done things to flee the conversation. I want the other person to just stop talking. If they do not stop talking, I try to drown out the noise or I try to escape.
Some ways to check to see if you are becoming emotionally flooded is by checking in with yourself. Practice mindfulness so you are more aware of your emotions. • Can you still think logically? • Is your heart rate below 100 beats per minute? • Are you able to think before you speak? • Can you calm yourself down? • Are you still able to listen without getting defensive?
Somethings you can do if you are emotionally flooded: • If you feel yourself getting flooded let the other person know you are getting flooded and you need a break. Schedule a time to come back to the conversation when you are calm! • Breathe in deeply and calm yourself. For example, you can come up with a code word to let your companion know you need to pause, take some deep breaths as you focus on something, someone, a song, or an experience that will bring peace and calm back to you. Practice meditation to help you with this. • Remind yourself what conflict is for – it is an opportunity to learn and to grow, as well as seek understanding about the situation. • Ask yourself what brings you peace and calm during a stressful situation and practice that so it will come automatically.
As a mediator, or someone watching the emotional waves, I have been trained to watch for escalated emotions, such as flooding. I help facilitate struggling conversations take place and help create a place of safety for the both parties of the conversation.
Book now or contact me for a FREE Consultation on Facebook "Utah Choice Mediation" to find out more.