I knew school could be demanding but wow it became really demanding after spring break. I ended up putting this on hold for the time being but hopefully now I can be more focused. In my last blog, I introduced some styles of listening. Today, I would like to go into understanding “standpoint” and “ascribing intent”.
Our “standpoint” is our origins, perceptions, opinions, and our experiences. We tend to view the world through our past experiences and also what we are going through now. It is how we perceive the world. It also influences how we interpret events, words or situations. It can become a barrier to us from seeing things in an accurate way. An example of this might be someone who is going through a divorce and might look at everything through the eyes of their divorce; such as they might be down on all men or on all women, whichever the case may be.
Some things we can do to help gain greater understanding of their “standpoint” is to get behind their eyes, walk a mile in their shoes, or just consider what might be going on in their life right now. We can examine our own standpoint, ask questions to clarify our perceptions, help them to see from your eyes, and search for common ground. [1]
The “Attribution Theory” is all about why we do what we do. It takes into account the internal and external factors. Internal factors include intelligence, skills, talents, and goodness. The external factors are the weather, economy, and other people. Some examples are: When something bad happens to me it’s because of outside forces – I couldn't do my assignment because I had to work. When something good happens to me it is because I did it (internal factors) – I did well on my project because I worked hard. When someone succeeds others tend to think it’s because of outside factors – She got that position because of her good looks or that person knew someone and therefore got the job. If someone fails it is because of internal factors (character flaws) – he is so intimidating.
“Ascribing Intent” are the stories we create about what other people are doing and why. It tends to lead us to jump to conclusions, inferring too much, and not asking clarifying questions. An example of ascribing intent would be "my spouse doesn't want to talk to me. I must have done something to upset him." To overcome this, we must ask clarifying questions especially if things are not clear to us. Give others the benefit of the doubt, stay at the lowest level of inference possible (use the facts). [2] Use a lot of different constructs! A construct are basically describing words. How many words can you come up with to describe yourself? Try to come up with at least 15 words to describe yourself. How did you do?
A good book I read goes into ascribing intent. It is called "A Complaint Free Relationships" by Will Bowen. He has a chapter or two about this if I remember correctly. Check it out if you want to have some ideas about removing complaining from your life.
1 Wood, Julia 2003. Harding, Sandra 2004. Nobis, Linda 2009. Lecture on Standpoint Theory.
2 Heider, Kelley, Jones, Ross, and Nobis. Lecture on Attribution Theory & Ascribing Intent.