Have you ever wanted to have a conversation with your partner or a loved one, but you couldn’t because of emotions or walls that have been built up? I have! My own experiences of not being able to have a conversation with someone I love has hurt the relationship in more ways than one. The emotional intimacy deteriorated. The opportunities to work through conflicts were avoided. I felt I had no voice and withdrew into myself. The relationship became casual, somewhat like colleagues at work, and was deteriorating at a rapid pace. There was not progression, only regression. A lot of this happened because of not feeling emotionally safe, having low self-esteem, and not having the correct communication tools to have the conversations that were necessary.
Through the years, I have sought for ways to help myself and others to have safe conversations and develop communication tools which can help people in their relationships have more fulfilling conversations. Little did I know where my journey would lead me to.
After my children were all graduated from high school, I offered many prayers and much fasting to determine what was next in my life. I made the decision to go back to school and get my degree in communications. School provided me with a lot of information and theory, however, it lacked the actual application of helping incorporate the skills I was looking for. I registered for a two-semester conflict resolution certificate course that allowed for actual application. I later learned, I could make a career out of being a mediator if I wanted to put in all the volunteer time it would take to get court rostered and on the domestic court roster, which I have done.
I found it very interesting a weakness of mine could turn into something that could help couples to build stronger, healthier, and more intimate relationships. During the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saint’s General Conference in October 2017, Elder John C. Pingree Jr. about each of us having a work to do here while on the earth. He suggested four things to help us discover the work we are to do here. First, he stated, to focus on others. Second, he suggested for us to work on developing spiritual gifts and to not hesitate in asking God what those gifts are and what is our personal ministry. Third, he recommended to look at our adversities. We develop strength through adversity and our weaknesses can become strengths. Fourth, we are to rely on God with real intent. Meaning, if we ask, we need to follow through. These four things, I realized as he was speaking, were the steps I have been taking to discover my path.
Through my adversity, I have developed skills and tools that has brought me to a place where I now can reach out to others and help them to have more productive communication with their spouses.
I have taken on EBUDS as part of my business name because of what it stands for has been my fighting motto. Educate and empower; Begin now; Utilize what I have; Determine to succeed; Strengthen continually.
I have learned through the years, if I wanted to change the way I communicated I would have to start with learning more about communication and how to best utilize it. I began searching as soon as I realized what I needed to get better at. I utilized the libraries and books that I could get a hold of at no cost. I have continued through all the trials with a determination to keep my family together. I strive daily to strengthen others and to strengthen myself.
It has not been an easy or a short journey. I have had many obstacles to overcome and there are still more ahead of me. I have decided my journey was not only for me. There are others experiencing similar things and are looking for the help that was not available to me. Many couples struggle through conversations of at least one or more topics which causes stress, anxiety, and the uprising of emotions. I am a mediator who focuses on helping married couples build stronger, healthier, and more intimate relationships by creating a safe environment for them to have conversations that might not otherwise happen. This is so beneficial because it not only helps facilitate conversations, it helps build communication skills and trust with one another.
Improvement begins when one sets a goal. Then using the EBUDS formula changes can begin to take place. What is the destination of your journey?