Even though I do facilitate divorce mediations, I have a goal to help 100,000 couples ascend to a higher level in their marriages. The best place to start is at the foundation and from there building a safe environment for each other and our families. The following series will be a faith-based approach to building our foundations.
In introducing the background for this series of articles, I would like to share why there is a need to have charity, the pure love of Christ, in our marriages and families. Marriages are failing and when a marriage fails, a family disintegrates. Why are marriages failing at such a high rate? I have one theory, we are not building our marriages, or our houses, upon the Rock. Many have heard the saying found in the New Testament in Matthew 7:24-27 of the wise man who built his house upon the Rock and when the wind and the rains came the house stood still and did not fall. However the foolish man built his house upon the sand and when the wind and the rains came the house washed away because it was NOT built upon the Rock, a firm foundation. What then is the Rock that we should be build upon? It is the pure love of Christ, which is charity because "charity never faileth" (New Testament, KJV 1 Coritnthians 13:8)
We find in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "(4) Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, (5) Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; (6) Rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth; (7) Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."
In the Book of Mormon, in Moroni 7:45 & 47 it reads, "(45) And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
(47)But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.
There are 13 parts to Charity and I will be writing about each one. Today is about long suffering.
Marriage and having a family are the perfect training ground for learning to be long suffering. We don’t really know what type of trial or tribulation will come into our lives when we enter into a marriage. We see trials happen in other’s marriages, but we are exempt, right. After all, isn’t the fairy tale way to “live happily ever after”. Marriage is supposed to be “till death do us part” or for “time and eternity”. Unfortunately, too many couples are choosing to take the path of divorce rather than practicing and learning to be long-suffering.
When we look unto Christ, our Exemplar, we learn He does not expect anything from us that He hasn’t been willing to go through Himself. In the Book of Mormon 1 Nephi 19:9 states: “9 And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men.”
I love looking to Christ’s example to teach me and to look for analogies between our lives. Not only is Christ the perfect example to look to, He has also given us examples from other prophets and disciples to look to so there are more than one witness.
For example: In the Book of Mormon, the sons of Mosiah were desirous to go teach the gospel among the Lamanites that had a great hatred for the Nephites. As they approached their destination the Lord visited them. In Alma 17:11 it reads, “And the Lord said unto them also: Go forth among the Lamanites, thy brethren, and establish my word; yet ye shall be patient in long-suffering and afflictions, that ye may show forth good examples unto them in me, and I will make an instrument of thee in my hands unto the salvation of many souls.”
When I read this scripture, I liken it unto marriage. Even though we know from seeing other people that marriage is hard and with it comes afflictions, trials, and tribulations, we still enter in a marriage covenant. I call it a marriage covenant because we are making promises to each other. Whether a marriage is a civil marriage, or a religious one, covenants are being made. When things get hard, nowadays, one of the first thing that pops up is getting a divorce. Many will push it back in their mind. Yet the persistence of situations being hard, long, and never ending, causes the resilience in us to wear down to where we give up or we quit trying. Pretty soon the divorce option seems to be the only way out regardless of whether there are children or not.
How do we then incorporate being long-suffering for our spouses and others in our families? I will share a few suggestions from some of the things that I have learned which have really helped me.
This is an attribute God has developed perfectly. Day in and day out He works with each of us, His imperfect children. If anyone can help us develop this attribute, God can. Situations are going to come into our lives at one point or another to where we can learn to be long-suffering, especially if you have a family. So, I recommend you do not think you will escape the need to learn this. When we can look inwardly to see how God is long-suffering with us continually, and yet He never leaves us or abandons us. (We might leave Him or abandon Him but He will never do that to us). In looking at the parallel of His life with our lives, we should be able to pray to Him to help us.
One way he has helped me to be long-suffering is to express gratitude. It doesn’t mean that it will be easy. It isn’t meant to be easy. Gratitude will help us have a different perspective. I have noticed when I quit expressing gratitude it gets harder to be long-suffering.
Another way we can be long-suffering is to have an “eye of faith”. Envision the day when things will be better. See with your mind’s eye the positive possibilities. We can envision and focus on their positive qualities.
We can find other things to do than to dwell on the unhappiness of the situation. When we keep ourselves from being idle, it will help us not to ruminate about the circumstances quite as much. Rather than allow ourselves to be idle we can read a wholesome book or listen to music that will uplift us. We can spend time with someone who might need us. The important thing is to be mindful and not allow ourselves to ruminate and get negative about the situation.
Remembering who you fell in love with and why can be helpful. In Ephesians 6:12 it reads: “12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Who is the real enemy that you are fighting against?
Pray for them daily! If you are having a hard time with something that you have to be long-suffering for, then chances are the other person is having a harder time. Put yourselves in their shoes. Walk a mile in their footsteps. Seek to understand their perspective.
Appreciate them. They are a child of God just as we are. Look at the good things they accomplish and do to contribute to the family. Look at the effort they put into things. Look at the potential they have and who they can become. I know my Heavenly Father has done this for me. He has encouraged me and believed in me when I felt no one else did. He has helped me develop into who I am today. If we can do that for others, especially, when we are suffering long for that person it will help them tremendously.
I am sure there are other things out there that you or others might have experienced that has helped you to be long-suffering. I invite you to share them. This way we all can learn from each other.