I have seen a movie or two where an employee will do whatever it takes to get a promotion by taking credit for the work of another. I have even heard stories about this scenario from people I know about their colleagues. When we put ourselves above another such as in interrupting them, whispering during a meeting, a class, or a performance, we may be showing disrespect for what they are doing. When we are not observant of others time, we may be expressing our time is more important than theirs. I have also noticed how quick people are to congratulate themselves when things are going well. When things do not go well, people tend to blame others, even to the point of blaming God.
What about in marriage? How do we tend to vaunt our self or become puffed up? How do we let pride enter into our marriage?
I believe this can happen in looking at the things that annoy us about our partner’s and their weaknesses. Instead we should be looking at ourselves to discover where we can improve. I am certainly not exempt from this. There was awhile where my partner’s weaknesses and idiosyncrasies really bothered me. I failed to see my own weaknesses and idiosyncrasies’. I had to go through a very humbling process to change this around in my mind. It still can creep in today, however, I am better equipped to change my thought process.
Partners can also blame each other for things that happen in their lives. There was a time in my marriage when blame was very present as well. I came to realize how true it really it is that when we point a finger at someone there are three pointing back at me. I began to look inward instead and start working on things I needed to improve in my life.
Another way, is to think we have all the answers. We are not always right. We need to listen to our partner’s ideas and allow them to influence our life!
Let’s explore the definition: “To vaunt” is to make a vain display of one’s own worth or attainments (www.merriam-webster.com/disctionary/vaunt). It goes along perfectly with the words of being “puffed up” in pride. What is pride then? Pride is a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc. (www.dictionary.com/browse/pride).
Here are some suggestions you can try to help reduce being “vaunteth up” or being “puffed up” in your marriage:
Look at your partner’s potential. If you can’t seem to see any then get on your knees to pray daily and ask God to help you see their potential.
If you see your partner throw their clothes on the floor and it bothers you then rather than getting upset at your partner, ask yourself, “What do I do that makes my partner upset and what can I do to change that in myself?”
Have a partner council and have a conversation using words like, “I feel frustrated when I see your socks on the floor when the basket is a foot away. My goal is to keep things picked up off the floor in our bedroom. I could really use your help with this. Will you commit to putting them in the basket?"
Do not place blame on another person. For example: if a glass gets broken don’t try and figure out who’s fault it is. Move forward with cleaning it up and checking in to see no one stepped on any glass.
Be respectful of your partner’s time.
Be respectful of when your partner is talking. Turn toward them and really listen.
I am not always right. Acknowledge partner’s point of view by exploring it, not shutting it down.
Look inward to find areas of improvement for yourself.
Being humble is the opposite of being puffed up. What are you doing in your life to have more humility?