Charity is Not Easily Provoked
Charity is not easily provoked suggests to me that we need to have pretty good control over our emotions and our actions. When I recite this part of the scripture, I usually add “but is temperate in all things.”
Provoke means to stimulate or give rise to (a reaction or emotion, typically a strong or unwelcome one) someone. The statement is Charity is not easily provoked. If we have charity, then we will not be easily provoked. So, what is temperance? Merriam-Webster dictionary says it is moderation in action, thought, or feeling: restraint. Could it be, being temperate means to exercise self-control?
In thinking about this topic as I am writing this, 3 areas come to mind even though this probably applies to many different emotions. First, are our emotions. Second, is our sexuality. Third, is idleness. How can we apply exercising self-control in these three areas?
We need to become mindful of our emotions and our triggers. This will take some practice. Anger is not a bad emotion. It usually shows itself after other events. Usually, we get triggered by something. Then clues show up like a tensing of fists, pacing, and a rumination in our minds. We next get an impulse from the sensations in our body. Then there is the anger. Lastly, there is the behavior. (Dr. Andrea Brandt, PHD, MFT https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T0JhHJW4ng). Where is the anger coming from? It comes up from the inside. Look deeply into yourself and listen deeply to yourself. Breathe deeply and then look deeply into the other person and ask questions. For example: one of my sons was lashing out at me. I finally asked him what was going on. He opened up to me and explained something that really hurt him earlier that had happened to him earlier while he was out. It turned out to be a tender moment for him and I. If we can recognize the beginnings of being triggered and look at what is happening, then perhaps we can turn the anger into a tender moment instead.
(Because this is a faith-based article, I chose to use the wording as marriage between a man and a woman. However, having said that, the principles apply to any relationship). Sexuality, within the bounds the Lord has set, which is marriage between a man and a woman, can be fulfilling and rewarding. Yet, if it is not, could it be there is not balance with both the man and the woman’s needs and desires? This is where it is really important to keep the communication channels open and discuss the needs of each person. When the communication isn’t there it may lead to unmet needs and unhappy behaviors. What are their emotional and physical needs? Is it reasonable to meet their needs? Or does there need to be some collaborating efforts, some give and take in the matter? If there truly is open communication and understanding this will help us from straying. It will also help us to have balance. We also need to discuss ways to keep the romance alive, for example, continually courting each other. We can also set some boundaries. For example: Respecting what your partner feels comfortable with and doesn't feel comfortable with.
We can become provoked into idleness with television, video games, Facebook and other social media. The best way to manage this is to categorize what we are doing as waste of time, good, better, and best activities. I got caught up in watching some series shows once. I found it was affecting my thoughts and my actions towards others. I decided to discontinue watching any more of the series and instead doing family history. I was impressed with the change that took place. I was more productive and actually had more charity towards others.
We can certainly practice our self-control in the areas we feel are the most needful. Perhaps none of these three areas discussed above are things you struggle with. You know yourself, and looking within can ask yourself what area in my life could I use some self-control. Is it in the way you eat, or how much you eat, or could it be not telling the truth, or perhaps exercising, or the way you dress, etc.? The beauty of this is you get to decide an area to work on where you need to exercise self-control so you are not easily provoked!